For a while I've been quite content with things despite not everything going the way I wanted, it didn't bother me, I was okay.
The last couple of days however have gone downhill. For a while I have been getting stressed out living at home, now I love my fam but sometimes it's just too much. I want to eat what I want when I want without having to worry about who's in or what time people get in. I want to be able to do whatever the fuck I want at whatever time I want. I want to grow up. I feel like I revert back to a younger self when at home, who becomes lazy and unmotivated.
I am trying my hardest to get a job with some relation to Graphic Design, in london so I can live there. Retail sucks, I probably complain more than I should but it's such a chore and I'm just no the sort of person who sees a job as a way of earning money, I want to actually like what I do. But jobs a few and far between, whether they want a junior but expect 2 years experience or they're just to officey. I don't think I'm being really fussy but at the end of the day I've got part time work for the moment and I don't want to settle for something just as bad as what i have now.
The only silver lining is that I'm still making. Buying the press, despite spending my whole bonus in one go, was probably the best decision I've ever made as it's kept me going and exciting about making stuff and slowly but surely things are selling.
I just feel like I'm in such a rut. My brain is ready to be living on my own in the big city, meeting new people, going on adventures and just having a bit more fun like any girl in her early 20s should, but no I'm sitting in my childhood bedroom, waiting whilst everyone gets on with it.
I feel like our generation has been stuck with such a raw deal. Back in the day you went to uni and that alone gave you the best job prospects whatever you wanted to do but now there are so many graduates leaving uni and are stuck. If you're not one of the luck ones who made loads of contacts, won competitions or knows someone in the business you're thrown out onto the pile as if you had never even got a degree. Personally I have issues with my uni course and the way it was run and the prospects it gave us but regardless it's not easy nowadays. It's a vicious circle of needing money, needing a job but needing experience, how the fuck am I supposed to get experience if no one will give me a job.
I just feel like I need to catch a break because it's been far too long since I felt excited about something and its bumming me out.
I hope this is just a hormonal phase.
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